Daily disasters

Wordless Wednesday: Shout-out to my ladies ♥

2010-07-21T07:38:00.001-04:00

Comeback Kid?

2010-07-20T15:32:00.003-04:00

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of meeting a fellow blogger friend, Ali (visit her awesome blog: Definitely Decaf you won't be disappointed!) We got to blogtalking and I realized how much I miss it and she inspired me to get writing again. While my life is not nearly as disastrous, I'm sure there is enough to keep my wonderful readers laughing...Here's a story from this morning.

This summer I have become quite the nomad. I typically spend th

e majority of my time commuting between work, school, and my 3 "homes"...

#1. my real home: a 55+ community I illegally reside in with my parents, grandparents and yorkie in the middle of a farm town.

#2. my boyfriend's home: approx. 50 miles from my real home, where I get to enjoy him, his glorious chemistry tutoring skills, and lately, the tour de france.

#3. lastly, my facebook wife, Noelle's home: which is smack dab in the middle (in the town I grew up in and still wish I lived in daily.)

This morning, while showering at "home #3" I tried to grab my razor out of my nomad traveling kit which was on the bathroom counter. In the process I got shampoo in my right eye, spilled water all over my friends bathroom floor, and managed to drop my razor right into the toilet. Of course I hadn't flushed yet, as I am custom to trying to salvage water pressure at my other homes (H2O pressure is always non-existent at home #1, and not existent at home #2 if someone has recently flushed) So my day began with digging through my own urine to retrieve a razor blade.

I figured it could only get better but then I visited the doctor for the third time in 2 weeks for my final shot for nursing school. The good Ole' $151 meningitis vaccine. Many people warned me of the tetanus vaccine pain but apparently they had never endured the meningitis ... tetanus is totally weak in comparison. As I type this my left arm is throbbing and quite possibly dying. Only time will tell. With my luck I will still contract meningitis from the dorms since I am pretty much at elevated elderly person risk compared to the spring chicken 18 year olds I will be living with. Sigh.

The afternoon has brought on much happier things...I got an 85% on my chem 2 test, which is pretty much a miracle, and I am looking forward to spending the evening with 2 of my best friends! Life is crazy, but so, so good!

I'm back people! Entires may be few and far between but I will share as much as I can....

♥L

'Coulda been a crackhead...

2010-03-17T11:15:00.002-04:00

I had to share this hilarious (oldie but goodie) video of some asshats in Mobile, AL trying to hunt down a leprechaun to try to steal it's gold.

Happy St. Patricks Day people :) Make it a green one!

Sorry!!

2010-03-16T15:54:00.003-04:00

Sorry my dear blog friends! Life has been extremely hectic due to my recent move into a 55+ community (more to come on that later), H-1B season at work(Bzzzzzzzz!), my evil chemistry class & lab, falling for my guy ♥, and of course, just trying to keep up with life!

I promise to send some more blogging your way very soon! Until then, I leave you with a video of my new favorite song, Smile :)

{Life sure is busy, but couldn't be any better!}

Wordless Wednesday: Motivation

2010-02-24T08:30:00.003-05:00

Lee-Ann's Lonely Lent

2010-02-17T13:23:00.004-05:00

Well kids, I'm giving up beer for lent this year. Sigh. Yes, you heard this beer lover correctly. It's semi-good though, it will keep me from mindless drinking and possibly help me shed lbs. a little faster, both bonuses.

My new man does not condone me sacrificing beer and says God wouldn't want me to it give up. He is probably right, but I am crazy and always need to give up something that gives me great heartache when I am without it for 40 days.

The upcoming month+ will now be quite empty and flavorless. At least I will still have my soulmate, vodka, could never give that up!

Any other crazy Catholics out there? What are you sacrificing, if anything?

Wordless Wednesday: Snow!

2010-02-10T12:11:00.002-05:00

Weekend Recap: L-woww & friends

2010-02-08T13:54:00.006-05:00

Happy bday to Sheila!! (doesn't she rock the pouf?)

So this week is bestie/roomie/wifeys bday! We celebrated over the weekend with a Jersey shore style bender (yes, we are 28 going on 29) It was a blast thinking up J-shore nicknames (I of course, was L-woww...my fake tanorexic friends donned names such as Booty, Russ aka Ron, The Production, M-pow, L.J. Bump it, Goldie, Hairy the canary, etc.) The dog of the house was even sporting a name tag-"Sir fist pump a lot"

We drank lots of Ron-Ron juice and fist pumped/danced the night away. It was a blast catching up with all my friends and it reminded me how lucky & blessed I am to have such a wonderful bunch of people in my life!! ♥ you guidettes (& guidos)!!

Unfortunatley we all forgot to bring a camera (gasp!) so I give you a few low quality ones from my phone...

L-wow and M-powwww {our Ed hardy hats were a hit!}

That's all for now folks, gotta go get some more studying in for tonight's chemistry test eeeks! Wish me luck :D

♥ L-woww

Wordless Wednesday:Mario Kart for Wii, where have you been all my life?

2010-02-03T15:32:00.005-05:00

thirty6red rocks.

2010-01-29T07:44:00.005-05:00

I have a favor to ask! My friend Kristen's band, thirty6red has entered in a really cool contest to be the new voice of the Foxwoods jingle. If you could take a minute to vote for them I (and they) would greatly appreciate it.

vote here!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

♥ L

Wordless Wednesday: My dear, crazy state of Massachusetts

2010-01-27T14:33:00.003-05:00

# 27. Get into nursing school...Regis ♥

2010-01-26T14:44:00.012-05:00

I have fantastic, wonderful & exciting news:

I got into nursing school!!!!! Woo!

I am beyond ecstatic and very eager to start working towards my big dream of becoming an RN. I will be going to Regis College (Weston, MA) starting in September. Here are some pictures of my beautiful new campus {and yes, I may get to live the dorm life again, Sweet!}:

Isn't it just gorgeous? It was my top choice school and I feel extremely blessed that everything is falling into place. I've been dreaming of this day for about 2 years now and am sucking up every bit of this joy. A big thank you to everyone who helped to inspire, encouraged, or just let me bitch & vent about how hard it was to get to this point...

{especially my Momma, Ashley, Aunt Gisele, Sheila, and of course my fellow soon to be nursing friends-Noelle & Melissa!!}

This is also the first thing I've completed off my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days, not too shabby! 2010 is moving along swimmingly! And for anyone who cares...yes, new man is still in the picture...won't scare him away with blog gushing but I am pretty sure I may just be the luckiest girl alive!!

Sorry there are no disasters to share as of late, but it's actually quite refreshing to currently be disaster-less...stay tuned!

♥ L

Wordless Wednesday: Anxiety Girl=Me!!

2010-01-20T08:21:00.003-05:00

Fridays Freaks

2010-01-16T17:32:00.003-05:00

My friend Kristen is a talented singer in a great band {thirty6red}. She rocks and I love to go see them at gigs, even though one bar that they play at is probably the most trash-tastic venue ever. Last night I decided to stay semi-sober {mostly only because we are going out again tonight and I have date #2 with my new amazing guy tomorrow} and let me just tell you how scary that place is when you can see everything clearly.

Highlights of the night:

A wandering crackhead looking to score some {drugs & ass} who kept flailing herself around the small bar and awkwardly crashing into everyone the entire night.
An Italian pirate man with an authentic eye patch roaming around creepily.
We had the pleasure of sharing a table with "Boobs", a regular cougar who squishes her boobs into a shirt unlike anything I've ever seen before.
A lovely young lady {donning her best skin-tight aeropostal shirt} dropped her cigarette and then flipped out of her stool and crawled on the ground to retrieve it.
Wanting to avoid having to use the establishment's restroom entirely, I waited until the very end of the night and then finally had to give in...after waiting in line for about 7 minutes with 2 other unsuspecting ladies, we kicked in the door to find a girl passed out on the floor and a restroom which had been spraypainted with vomit. The men's room at this place is NOT an option, so I had endure the pee-pee dance for the remaining 10 mins of the night.
During the final ten minutes, there was a quick almost fight on the dance floor involving two classy broads {one kicked her beer onto the other but then was restrained and quickly taken away by her bf}, the band wrapped up an amazing set, and I flew my friends and I home just in time to pee in the comfort of my happy, clean, disease-free toilet :)

Can't wait for tonight's adventures at a classy bar...although I'm not sure which I enjoy more since trash-tastic nights make for great entertainment!! After tonight I will evaluate and report back to you! 'Til then friends...

Amazing weekend wishes,

Wordless Wednesday: Dear Destiny,

2010-01-13T08:10:00.002-05:00

Anxiety-R-Us

2010-01-11T14:05:00.005-05:00

January 11th is finally upon us my friends.

It is the day I have been anxiously awaiting since I submitted my nursing school application to Regis and purchased a lucky bamboo plant in early December. I was later told by someone that the bamboo plant is only lucky if it is purchased for you as a gift, but fuck it, I believe in crazy omens regardless, and will be carrying it with me to my mailbox tonight when I bust it open and dig for the decision letter which is supposed to and better be in there.

This past month has turned me into a crazy mailbox-stalking woman. No lie. I had to take the mailbox key from my roomie because I'm obsessed with checking the stupid mail the nanosecond I get home. I don't even park my car... I pull into our parking lot and just jump out of it and run to the mailbox like a lunatic. This past week has been particularly bad, with one episode resulting in my kicking the mailbox repetitively while calling it a motherfucker. My neighbors surely think I am some kind of special.

Reason #2 for my outrageous anxiety:

Against all my intuition, I recently signed up for another round of online dating. This time a different and free (gasp!) site which I am not sharing with you because I do not want you trying to steal my man haha! I assumed I would never find a semi-datable human on said site, but I think I actually may have :) He is handsome, sweet & funny, and our witty chats have been taking up most of my free time {aka blogging time-sorry loves!} We've been chatting for just over a week, there's a definite spark, and I cannot wait to finally meet him this Wednesday night for our first date <3.

So wish me luck people, I know I am a disaster-magnet and all, but can't a girl catch a break? I think I'm due!!

Reason # 764 why I love my sister

2010-01-07T15:28:00.004-05:00

Funny IM conversation regarding upcoming anniversary trip ideas for her and perfect man:

me: u can go to the super gay cuddles and bubbles

Ashley: ewwww

me: ha I bet that place is fascinating

Ashley: fascinating as in finding marks of seamen everywhere?

me: haha seamen or semen? maybe both!

Ashley: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh my god

i spelt it wrong!

Wordless Wednesday: Can you spot the penguin photobomb?

2010-01-06T07:18:00.001-05:00

{see more photobombs here}

My 101 things to do in 1001 days!

2010-01-02T09:52:00.006-05:00

Most of you know I love making lists and also starting "new lives"…

Inspired by all the new possibilities of 2010, other fabulous bloggers, and the Day Zero Project, I give you my resolution boot camp/list of 101 things to do in 1001 days.

The mission:

Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The criteria:

Tasks must be specific (ie no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 days?

Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Start Date: Friday, January 1, 2010 

Finish Date: September 28, 2012

Items in bold italics are in progress or planned.

~~Crossed out~~ items have been completed.

101 in 1001:

1. Write a letter to myself to be read in 1001 days (09/28/2012)

2. Make my own coffee for 7 days straight (no coffee buying allowed!)

3. No watching tv for a whole week

4. Donate $100 to the cancer society

5. Be brave enough to go speed dating

6. Say hello to 10 strangers (0/10)

7. Call my grandparents & Nana every weekend for a month (0/4)

8. Do not swear at all for an entire day

9. Have my cards read

10. Play my dads lucky lottery numbers

11. Finish the couch to 5k program from coolrunning

12. Run a 5k race

13. Start & complete a new journal

14. Bake an apple pie from scratch

15. Volunteer

16. Splurge on comfy high thread sheets

17. Write my dating disaster book

18. Fall in love

19. Send a friend flowers just because

20. Throw a Patrick Swayze movie marathon with friends

21. Pay off my credit cards

22. Go zip-lining

23. See Chelsea Handler live

24. Visit Stephanie in Florida!

25. Donate blood at least once a year (0/3)

26. Get to goal weight (0/100%)

27. Get into nursing school

28. Go to the gym 3 times a week for 12 weeks to jumpstart things (0/12)

29. Tour the Isabella Stewart Museum

30. Read all of the books in my bookshelf

31. Do not buy a new book until all old books are read
(except for any new Chelsea Handler books!)

32. Try spinning

33. Go on a duck tour (quack, quack!)

34. Take a photography class

35. Update/re-do my address book

36. Send a care package to a soldier

37. Give up alcohol for a month

38. Take a vacation with my sister

39. Plant a nice plant at my dad’s grave

40. Go on a hot air balloon ride

41. Adopt a dog from a rescue

42. Finish the “99 bottles of beer” challenge at the Brewhouse and get my plaque

43. Have my sunspot removed

44. Plan a girls getaway!

45. Get Wii

46. Get Wii fit

47. Get my hideous tattoo removed or covered up

48. Get a facial with my Oasis gift certificate

49. Have my car detailed

50. Cook dinner 2 times a week for 12 weeks (0/12)

51. Make a new friend

52. Sing karaoke

53. Buy an amazing camera

54. Take a dance class

55. Treat my parents to dinner

56. Paris, Paris, Paris <3

57. Frame a picture of myself standing under the Eiffel tower
{so I’ll always have Paris!}

58. Complete a 365 day photo project

59. Become and AVON Unit Leader

60. Read 5 “classic” novels

61. Find out my blood type

62. Go skydiving

63. Make and send my own Christmas cards

64. Consolidate all online photos to snapfish

65. Build my savings back up (to at least $3,000)

66. Go vegetarian for a month

67. Make a scrapbook of my most favorite photos

68. Schedule and have a physical exam once a year (2010, 2011, 2012)

69. Watch the sunrise from a beach

70. Take an Excel class

71. Win something

72. Condition myself to love red wine

73. Walk the breast cancer 3 day

74. Complete a coloring book

75. See Les Miserables on Broadway

76. 3 months without fast food

77. Save a life

78. Make it through a non-beginners hot yoga class without tipping over

79. Learn how to knit and knit something

80. Tour the Institute of Contemporary Art

81. See a Sox game from the Monster seats

82. Read all of Dennis Lehane’s books

83. Go camping with my family on the 4^th of July

84. Order fish as a meal at a restaurant instead of just trying someones

85. Go to the movies once each month for 6 months (0/6)

86. Get a better understanding of HTML

87. Complete my fitbook -12 weeks (0/12)

88. Try 10 new/different foods (0/10)

89. Go on a spontaneous road trip

90. Donate clothes/coats/shoes/bags I haven’t worn in over a year to Goodwill

91. List one thing I am grateful for everyday for a year

92. Send 5 handwritten letters (0/5)

93. Download all cds onto iTunes then give away or sell

94. Shoot a gun (I know, scary image)

95. Organize/purge all papers/receipts/etc.

96. Join/start a book club

97. Surprise Grammy & Grampy in Florida!

98. Transfer old family videos onto DVD

99. Buy a backup drive and use it
100. Go to Mohegan Sun
101. Sit on a jury

Happy New Year!!

2009-12-30T11:33:00.002-05:00

HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!!

May 2010 bring you health, wealth, happiness and make all your dreams come true.

Stay tuned for my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days! (resolution boot camp haha)

Wordless Wednesday: Girlcrush

2009-12-30T08:47:00.006-05:00

Email of the day: Vampire edition

2009-12-29T12:48:00.005-05:00

My friend Missy just sent me the following joke in an email and I practically peed my pants {although it's probably a lot funnier if you have taken Anatomy & Physiology and also l.o.v.e. bud light}

Bar Order

Three vampires walk into a bar. "What can I get ya?" asks the bartender.

"Blood," orders the first vampire.

"Make it two," says the second.

The bartender looks at the third. "What about you, buddy?"

"Plasma," says the vampire.

"Okay," replies the barman. "Let me make sure I've got this straight. Two bloods and a blood light."

-- Weston Davis

Dear Regis;

2009-12-28T15:43:00.004-05:00

You are slowly killing me. I am not a patient person. Never have been. It would be lovely if you could send me my decision letter {hopefully a thrilling, heart-stopping acceptance letter} this week and not drag it out until January 11th.

I would also like to know if I am in so I can figure out how to make about $2,000 appear out of thin air so I can take the 3 additional pre-req courses needed before your life-ending BSN/MS program starts in September.

Please kindly help end my anxiety about this issue and mailbox-stalking as soon as possible. It would be greatly appreciated.

Very truly yours,

a crossed-fingered L

Merry Christmas! :)

2009-12-25T11:16:00.004-05:00

Merry Christmas friends!! Wishing you enjoy the magic of Christmas this year and spend it surrounded by the ones you love {and with some festive drinks!}

Updates and pics from our annual "cousins on the couch" to follow!

♥, a very merry L

Wordless Wednesday: The Garmin Xmas Commericals kill me!

2009-12-22T22:23:00.004-05:00

An ugly weekend

2009-12-21T20:38:00.010-05:00

This weekend was full of the uglies. Friday night I was excited to go to watch an amazing local cover band, Dick n Jane with my friend Kati and her awesome cousins who were in town for the weekend. As my luck would have it, the sprinkler system at the bar exploded, flooded the place, and it was shut down. They went someplace else but I got cranky and unmotivated so I stayed home and watched xmas movies. Saturday night a friend threw an ugly sweater party to which I wore the itchiest moose sweater, got wasted from funneling beer & playing Beirut, lost my filtering system and pretty much acted like an 18 year old all night. Jesus Christ. Around midnight it began snowing and we ended up with almost 2 feet of snow. Sunday I woke up at about 7am still rockin' my ugly sweater, with a slice of pizza in my bed and feeling like I had swallowed 15 cotton balls. Many aleve later, I got my ass outside to shovel out and was psyched that yoga angel boy from upstairs was also outside and shoveled out our spots for Sheila and I. Then we went a wassailing to the unbelievable local breakfast place for a hangover-helping meal. mmmm. I spent the rest of the day as a sloth on the couch wishing I wasn't such an asshole at parties. Maybe someday I will grow up. Probably not.

makin' moose and snowmen sexy.

keg-o-miller lite=disaster.

U-G-L-Y sweaters!

preparing to funnel.

1st blizzard of the winter!

Flashback Friday: SNL Edition

2009-12-18T21:10:00.003-05:00

Just watched SNL's A Very Gilly Christmas and was thrilled they showed one of my favorite video skits of all time: "Dick in a box" I just had to share it for a seasonal Flashback Friday.

Enjoy :)

Wordless Wednesday: Bluntcards

2009-12-16T08:30:00.005-05:00

Procrastination at its finest.

2009-12-15T21:44:00.006-05:00

I've always been a procrastinator. I can remember the good old days in the dorms of SSC staying up all hours of the night writing papers and projects on serial killers, white collar criminals and domestic violence (yes, I got one of those useless criminal justice degrees hence why I am now trying to get into nursing school...)

Here it is many years later and instead of studying for my dreaded last final of the semester I am drinking wine, watching So You Think You Can Dance, and blogging. It's way funner. Speaking of SYTYCD, is anyone else in love with this show? So amazing and inspiring. Makes me want to bust out my dusty tap shoes and shuffle across my living room. Now that would really cause my downstairs neighbor to throw a hissy fit and bang on the ceiling with her broom (she really does that!!) Anyways, I believe Jakob Karr is going to take the win this season, as he should. What brilliant talent! Love him.

Well my Pinot has run dry-maybe having a buzz will help me absorb the crap I'm studying...off to it.

♥ L

December Update

2009-12-14T20:10:00.008-05:00

Since December has been kicking my ass for the past 14 days, I figured I'd update you as to why I have been so neglectful lately (sorry loves!)...

I have officially applied to my top choice nursing school. It was stressful...had to take the ridiculous MAT's, write an essay, and had an interview, all of which went pretty well (I think so anyways). Now it's in fates hands...wish me luck :)

This longggg semester is almost over thank GOD. Had my Microbiology final Thursday and my online final in Nutrition Saturday day. Now just one more to go on Wednesday (Growth & Development-the class with the teacher who, unluckily for me, mistakes this level 100 psych class at Quincy College for a ph.D. program at Harvard) Again, wish me luck!

I had a great weekend amidst all the stress from school. Went bowling at Kings to celebrate a friend from high school's bday Friday night. Although I pulled my arm out of its socket a few times thanks to the 30 pound balls and lost terribly, it was a blast! After taking our 5 hour final on Saturday, my friend Melissa and I went out to celebrate our 2 classes ending. We went out to dinner, took a ride to see the coolest neighborhood Christmas light display which was synchronized to a secret radio station and then had some nice cold beers at my apartment while laughing over old pictures. The lights totally propelled my Christmas spirit and I spent all day Sunday putting up a tree with the roomie, decorating the apartment, and writing out my Christmas cards. Oh, and I can't forget to tell you about my newest guilty pleasure-watching "Jersey Shore" to make me feel good about my life. That show is foolishly addicting and I can't get enough of it and the guido style fist-pumpin'.

Hope you all had amazing weekends as well!

♥ L "snickers"

{get yours @ at the jersey shore nickname generator}

how cute is our tree? we still need a topper!

Tonight...

2009-12-05T15:59:00.002-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-02T00:19:00.003-05:00

December!!

2009-11-30T23:08:00.006-05:00

Happy December friends!

I am slightly obsessed with the holidays. Christmas is my favorite and I don't let anything (especially my disasters) get in the way of my geekiness during this splendid month.

December ♥&magic this year=

family, friends, applying to Regis College, Christmas music, lights, shopping, Christmas movies, hot chocolate, the festively decorated City of Boston, candy canes, stores winter displays, slowdown at work, ornaments, holiday cheer, attempting to make grammy's famous snowballs, writing my resolution list (101 things to do in 1o01 days), sending Christmas cards, cousins on the couch annual photo, tinsel, belly laughing at the Garmin and Target commericals, wrapping up my 3 classes, sleepovers with my sissy, parties, the occasional peppermint mocha latte from starbucks (aka christmas in a cup), receiving Christmas cards, partnering up with and donating to the Make-A-Wish foundation through Avon, wrapping presents, holiday inspired martinis, scarves and gloves, exchanging gifts, hopefully an ugly sweater party (I get shot down every year) and of course let's not forget about SNOW :)

Let the holidays begin!!

Dear MAT,

2009-11-30T09:06:00.004-05:00

Dear MAT (acronym for the dreaded Miller Analogies Test);

Good day archenemy…the time has come. I have studied your irrational vocabulary and word root lists incessantly for weeks. You have put a real damper on my Thanksgiving break, augmented the odds that I will turn into an alcoholic before long, and endangered my once vivacious social skills.

I am astounded that this asinine test serves as a gauge of how well I will do in nursing school, in any case we are obliged to find a way to make this equally advantageous for the both of us. If you can guarantee I attain a score in the 4oo range, I promise not to curse or bellow obscenities; I will not deliberately demolish the computer you are being administered on; and I will use paramount restraint to not make a scene at the testing site when I obtain my raw score.

As my Kaplan MAT study guide says: You are so weird that you cannot be taken too seriously. The one optimistic result (in addition to perhaps passing and getting into a nursing school on my 2^nd endeavor) of the memorization of your futile knowledge is that I could possibly turn out to be a qualifier on Jeopardy if I were to try out.

So to reiterate my needs MAT…400 range, 400 range, 400 range. Give me a test I know at least some of the answers to FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Best Regards,
L

Supermarket Sweep

2009-11-29T10:51:00.005-05:00

My roomie and I can have way too much fun together. Even a normal food shopping run can turn into a situation where we laugh so hard we cry. I always seem to select the shittiest shopping cart which squeaks at a deafening volume or its wheels decide to stop turning which makes navigating the aisles full of maniac shoppers a challenge.

During our last trip to Stop & Shop we encountered a bird (of course) that was trapped in the store violently flying around the whole time triggering me to have a small panic attack. We also found some specially named items:

Bahaha we crack ourselves up. Good thing I have my camera at all times. Pay close attention the next time you are scouring the shelves and you never know which rare items you may find!

Happy shopping :)

Flashback Friday: D.A.R.E.

2009-11-27T11:00:00.005-05:00

{If Officer Ron only knew!}

This photo was clearly captured before I began experimenting with drugs. The friend in this photo added this hidden jewel on her facebook in an "old school" photo album a while ago and I fell off my chair in hysterics. It's from jr. high, about 2 years before marijuana shirts would become typical fashion. It's terrible how we tortured our poor parents with our teenage angst...good thing I somehow turned out semi-functional :)

Thankful

2009-11-25T10:08:00.006-05:00

Things I am thankful for:

Coffee

Chelsea Handler

dvr

$8.49 Funky llama sauvignon blanc

my new fabulous functioning car (zoom, zoom!)

Ok I guess I should get serious here. While all the above things are wonderful, I am truly thankful for the following, which I'm not sure I could live without...

My beautiful sister. I can't imagine life without her friendship and the special bond that we share. I love you sissy!

My friends. They are funny, supportive and amazing. It's not even possible to put into words how much the past 16 years of having them by my side has meant to me :) 143 bffs xoxo

Having the ability and courage to chase after my dream of becoming a nurse. I'm grateful that I finally know what I want to do with my life. I just can't wait to get into nursing school and start my journey!!

My job. I know I complain a lot, but most days I honestly do love my job, and I'm lucky to have one! I enjoy meeting new people from all over the world and hearing their stories. I am happy to help make my clients and their family's dreams come true. And I'm thankful for my bosses who appreciate me and treat me well.

My amazing family. We are close, crazy, and loud & I wouldn't want it any other way. Thank you all for always being there for me and believing in me. Oh, and thank you for always listening to and laughing at my crazy stories.

And last but not least I am incredibly thankful and blessed to have my mother in my life. She is my inspiration everyday. I am so lucky to have been raised by such an wonderful, loving, and strong person. Thank you mom for all you've done and all you continue to do. You're my best friend ♥ I love you!!

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the

true measure of our thanksgiving. ~W.T. Purkiser

Have a wonderful thanksgiving everyone! Gobble, Gobble :)

Wordless Wednesday {someecard style}

2009-11-24T12:00:00.005-05:00

E-mail of the Day: Man vs. Woman

2009-11-20T15:48:00.003-05:00

Flashback Friday: Homecoming 1998

2009-11-20T13:26:00.006-05:00

No time for fun flashback stories friends...(sorry!! It's crunch time for applying to my top choice nursing school) but I did want to share this flashback photo of my fabulous friends and I from 1998's homecoming-please pay special attention to our boas and tiaras haha loves it!

{my friends are better than yours!}

Tonight those fun friends and I (plus some of my ladies not pictured) are throwing a wine and wigs party for our bff Nicky's bday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY!!! We stole the idea from one of her friends and are so excited to spend the night gettin' wiggy wit' it. Haha and you know I will be annoyingly singing the Will Smith song. I am so excited to spend a nice evening laughing with my ladies, I sure need it.

Have an amazing weekend :)

Love, L

Horror-scope #2

2009-11-19T15:23:00.006-05:00

*family members who read this blog against my advice, I apologize in advance.*

"Lee-Ann,

If you are trying to have a baby, you could receive unexpected good news soon.

If not, it would be an excellent idea to carefully watch your birth control.

If you are single, you may be unexpectedly attracted to a potential partner who comes with a "pre-made" family."

Thank you again, facebook astrology, for topping off my maxed out stress level. Now I can't even have sex without over analyzing. A big eff you to you and yours. When I have time I am erasing your stupid application from my facebook. I will now only seek advice from fortune cookies. At least they are yummy even if the message sucks.

PS. booty calls I will not be answering you for a while. I do really want my own fat baby nugget, and I know my mother would be thrilled to have a grandchild, I am way too selfish at this point in my life to quit drinking for nine months. Kindly understand. Thanks.

Love, L

A date for 8 (but I have to wait)

2009-11-16T21:09:00.006-05:00

So a friend convinced me to try speed dating with her a while ago but we were ~~too chicken~~ never got around to picking a date to actually do it. Several months and many failed dates later, we finally nailed down a date and time for what is sure to be a fall off your seat funny night to blog about. I had to really convince my half happy/half horrified heart that it was best for us to give this a shot...but when compared to my current unlucky in love lifestyle, I figured worst-case scenario: this will be an adventure to laugh about with my dear friend for years to come. So, I signed "bostongal24" up online for the big event. After the speed dating experts ensured me I was in for an unforgettable night and that I was about to meet the 8 men of my dreams in 8 minute increments, I actually started feeling kind of hopeful.

Then I got an email from the 8 minute dating association telling me I had been wait-listed for my chosen event. Seriously? There are wait lists for these things? Or are they just going to make me wait while they run a CORI check on my ass? Because I think that is smart on their part...not for me, obvi...but for the maniacs I tend to attract. How nice it would be if they did that part ahead of time for me! My roomie got me hooked on another god-awful VH1 reality TV show over the weekend-Tough Love 2. The show is basically about hot mess girls who need a life coach. The addicting premiere episode featured a disastrous speed dating encounter so I took some mental notes on what not to do (such as to sit on a guys lap and call him daddy, laugh uncontrollably, or wear anything so insanely tight that it can only end in a wardrobe malfunction).

I just hope I get an email saying that they will let me in so I'll have an exciting topic to bloggy about and 8 new friends to stalk on facebook. haha. jk. kinda.

Wish me luck {you know I need it}.

Wordless Wednesday: Thankful for all the Veterans-past, present & future.

2009-11-11T10:38:00.002-05:00

Email of the day: Top 10!

2009-11-09T14:31:00.003-05:00

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt.... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

8. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

9. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

10. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

Flashback Friday: The jackrabbit

2009-11-06T11:12:00.006-05:00

You may remember that I have previously ranted about ~~eDistasters~~ eHarmony…well here is the story of the one man I was actually brave enough to date through said shitty service, who also happens to be the main reason why I cancelled my subscription. For all intended purposes, let’s call him the jackrabbit.

Ladies, you've probably encountered a jackrabbit or two throughout your sexcapades, and I'm sure I speak for us all when I say it is never a pleasant experience. Imagine the added disappointment I faced when I discovered that not only was the man (who seemed completely normal) with whom I had shared 5 blissful dates and even tried sushi for, not only thought he was a jackrabbit in the sack, but he also found the need to simultaneously kick his right leg behind him in the air much like a dog would when you scratch its stomach.

As usual, it got worse...

Thankfully, the jack-rabbiting did not last long and I was able to fabricate a story about having to get home to help a friend who had had "something bad happen". The very next night I got a drunk dial from the jackrabbit (who, as it turns out was also a closeted alcoholic) telling me that he could tell that he likes me way more than I like him...wah wah wah...and bragging that he was driving drunk at over 100mph. I ended the call as quickly as I could, deleted him as a friend on facebook, and prayed to god that he would wake up the next morning and realize two very important life lessons: (1) that he is not a rabbit, and (2) that he should never, ever call me again. Amazingly, God shot me down a sliver of heavenly luck, and that is exactly what happened.

I often wonder if men secretly hide their glaring red flags from me, or if I just really need to go get an eye exam for the first time in my life.

♥ L

Breath & Reboot.

2009-11-05T15:04:00.008-05:00

My laptop died last night, oh sad day. She was old, on the way out, and refused to type the letters "Y" and "U", but I was still holding on for dear life, hoping she'd last 'til Xmas bonus time. No such luck. I'm taking an online class, therefore I need an immediate replacement.

In accordance with my staying positive attitude, I am anticipating acceptance to one of the 3 nursing schools I am applying to in the following months. When this miracle happens, I am going to need a good trustworthy computer to be my little bitch for 16 insane months, so I'm thinking of investing in a Mac. Thoughts? Suggestions?

My Dell was unreliable, had to be completely restored twice thanks to malicious viruses, and is now holding hundreds of dollars worth of my precious country music hostage. I just can't go through this again. I feel like Carrie when her motherboard crashed...

"After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breathe and reboot. And when that fails, a little gizmo called a zip drive can provide a surprising amount of comfort. So can a boyfriend, if you can learn to let him."

Ignore the boyfriend part of that quote, that's clearly all bullshit in my books until proven otherwise :)

♥ L

Wordless Wednesday: Glee meets Wicked and I loves it.

2009-11-04T14:47:00.005-05:00

weekend wrap-up

2009-11-02T14:43:00.010-05:00

Happy Halloween!

cool cats

me and some creep.

*************************************************

Halloween was such a blast! Besides falling down the same set of stairs twice (damn you cat shoes!) and the fact that I still cannot locate my dear northface jacket, it was a great night! Got to catch up with some old friends, made some new ones and got a little intimate with a guy in a chicken costume ;) (hey, there wasn't a single vampire there...can you believe it?!?)

Thanks to my massive hangover, I ended up missing the church part of the christening {which was best for all involved} but later headed to the party and got to hang out with my fave babe. Makes me want one so bad! Look at this beautiful bean:

♥ you Danny!!

Hope you all had a great weekend full of tricks and treats.

2009-10-30T21:07:00.010-04:00

Happy Halloween yo. I'm about to get myself kitty-catted up and then I'm off to a random Halloween slash 30th birthday party where my main goal will be to scoop up a vampire who hopefully resembles one of my on-screen boyfriends R. Pattz and/or Paul Wesley, ya know...these vamp hotties:

Yep, I have a thing for bad boys (or emotionally unavailable ones). Results to follow!

Eat, drink & be scary,

Flashback Friday: Amy Crackhouse

2009-10-30T12:28:00.016-04:00

I dedicate this Flashback Friday to Halloween '08...I got to spend the evening snorting fake crack and hanging out with my favorite sesame street character and terrorist all at the same time. God I love my girls and will soooo miss partying in Salem this year. Damn you Amanda. You are lucky your child is my favorite little nugget around.

Enjoy some photos:

{The typical men we pick up.}

{Halloween, Salem style!}

{They tried to make me go to rehab...}

{But I said No, No, NO!}

{It's flour, I swear!!}

{My besties}

{Osama Bin Watson}

Wordless Wednesday-How could you be so heartless?

2009-10-27T07:49:00.004-04:00

Church Cat.

2009-10-27T07:28:00.006-04:00

Or there's always my backup costume-the slutty cat. I do hate cats, however, love any excuse to incorporate cat eyes into my makeup. Maybe this year I will go all out with a cat nose and some whiskers. Oh and yes, I have cat shoes (I don't mess around).

For anyone wondering what happened to the plan of disguising myself as Michael Jackson for the evening...I am so sorry to disappoint you, but our friend has impeded on our fun by scheduling her son's baptism for Sunday morning at the ungodly hour of 10am. Therefore, our trip to Salem and the MJ gig is out since I cannot possibly stroll into a church dressed as him (I'd scare the children and most likely be struck by lightning) However, kids and God love cats right?? Slutty cat wins.

Oh, and next time you see one possibly-still-drunk-crazy-cat-lady-church-goer early on a Sunday morn sleeping/praying for redemption on the pew...don't judge us, shit happens!

Holy CRAP!

2009-10-23T15:19:00.004-04:00

That folks, is my kitchen ceiling which had to be ripped apart due to toilet water leaking and accumulating from the upstairs peoples broken toilet.

It gets better...

Our landlord who lives forever away and the upstairs unit people are fighting about who's fault it is and who should pay therefore it is not getting fixed anytime soon and we may have to go through the condos insurance or possibly small claims court.

I believe the oldy moldy stench from it is causing my throat to swell up even more than it already is from my sickness.

My poor roomie had to scrub the kitchen clean yesterday after toilet sludge came gushing through the hole. Why does this CRAP happen to us?

Hope all of your weekends go more smoothly and less stinky than mine :)

Train Trauma Thursday

2009-10-22T12:19:00.008-04:00

This AM's commute:

Missed the train by .5 seconds (I'm never fast enough and no longer run up the escalator due to a terrible fall/scene I caused a few months ago)
Fought an alarmingly aggressive Asian manboy just to get onto the next train;
Sat next to a lovely woman with Tourettes who was repeating "shit, fuck, motherfucking shit fuck" the entire train ride. I shook her off like Miley cause "the Jay-Z song was on" my iPod :)
then my iPod died.
A woman got on a few stops after me, pretty much sat on my lap and read my microbiology study guide with me for the rest of the journey. To top it off, she burped coca cola in my face as she exited the train.

Can't wait to take the T to class tonight (read: sarcasm)

Whale FAIL.

2009-10-21T13:45:00.002-04:00

Twitter is over capacity.

Too many tweets! Please wait a moment and try again.

Twitter's getting OLD. quick.

Wordless Wednesday: Happy Birthday to my bestie Noelle and to her drunken alter ego Joelle :)

2009-10-21T12:48:00.004-04:00

Horror-scope

2009-10-20T15:50:00.006-04:00

Taurus Daily Horoscope

Lee-Ann,

Your love life gets ... "interesting". "Interesting" can mean a lot of things - good or bad, that depends on your point of view. If you get too wrapped up in values, finances, budgets and obligations, that pulls the needle to "bad". If you focus on love and friendship instead, that pulls it to "good"

Thanks a lot effin facebook astrology, all I need is the stars telling me I'm about to lead a more interesting love life. The added emphasis of the words through using unnecessary quotation marks really made my day. Let's pray for a "good interesting" as the past decade has been full of the "bad/psycho/insane/unbelievable/creepy/wtf" kind of interesting.

Monday Misery.

2009-10-19T19:46:00.006-04:00

I felt like death this morning so I stayed home from work and was probably the most unproductive human being ever---unless you happen find any of the following activities worthwhile:

catching up on the past 5 episodes of 90210
downloading a duck hunt background for my computer
daydreaming about Gerard Butler
creeping myself out by watching the Shutter Island trailer
discovering this amazing blog and pretty much reading the entire thing
over analyzing life, specifically checking Rita into a permanent rehab facility

Tomorrow I promise to be less sloth-like (that is, if my sickness has not progressed much)

Ps. It was snowing here yesterday and then was 60 and sunny today. I thought this someecard was appropriate for the insane weather New England is already having!!

Wordless Wednesday-girl scouts are the devil.

2009-10-14T16:34:00.001-04:00

Homeless Spoonage.

2009-10-14T15:45:00.012-04:00

Yesterday I was nearly attacked by an insane homeless man who honestly believed he had turned a mere plastic spoon into a weapon of mass destruction and was attempting to stab people with it as he screamed "you don't want to die like this!"

Not much shocks me much anymore, especially shit-house crazy homeless people in downtown at lunchtime. However, this particularly disturbed dude really gave me the heebie-jeebies and when he came charging towards my general direction I crossed the street to avoid his crazy ass.

Two weeks ago as I walked into the bank, a witty homeless man jumped out of the closest alley waving a fake Halloween hand in my face and yelling "hey there! can you give me a hand ha ha ha." get it?

A few years ago, my friend Noelle and I were frightened by a homeless man with a silverware obsession while volunteering at a local homeless shelter. He had no teeth and he came through the kitchen window (through which we had just served dinner) screaming that he wanted a "fucking knife!!" We assumed he wanted to stab us for our lack of cooking skills (we both can make a mean instant mac and cheese but it pretty much ends there) but it turns out he was trying to say "give me a fork and knife" but with no teeth and lots of homeless rage, it came out sounding just like "fucking knife!"

Lessons Learned: never underestimate the power of silverware whether they be plastic, real or sporks. Any of these can be turned into a shank quite easily.

Enjoy some classic homeless people photos :)

Wordless Wednesday-Bizzaro Peter from Family guy

2009-10-07T09:13:00.002-04:00

Weekend Recap-This is how we do it.

2009-10-06T15:37:00.012-04:00

Yes you're getting a weekend update on Tuesday because I'm living in fast forward.

After drinking the bar out of pumpkin beer on Friday, I had a fabulous time at my friends Laura's bachelorette party on Saturday. We started the night at her house, attended a comedy show (where the comedian actually told us to shut the fuck up), crashed another bride's pathetic stint at a fun karaoke studio, and then ended the night at an Irish bar with a dance floor which we ruled alongside an entourage of black men, one of which I made out with, strictly because his name was Montell and I loveee that Montell Jordan song "This is how we do it"

Here's some pics. Notice the extent of my soberness.

Trouble!

Me and my pretty LauraLynn!

Laura's entourage :)

?????

Andddd... wait for it.... Montell!

Pumpkin love ♥

2009-10-03T14:33:00.009-04:00

For my 50th post (wow!) I would like to share something special with everyone...

Please meet the new love in my life, Shipyard's Pumpkin beer:

{Mmm mmm good!}

I indulged in a few too many of these babies last night at my local watering hole. They serve it on tap and even rim the glass with a little slice of heaven-a brown sugar/nutmeg mix. I just stopped at the packy and got myself a 6 pack to start off tonight's bachelorette shennanigans honoring my pretty friend Laura. Woo!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend! Go treat yourself to a pumpkin beer---you won't regret it.

♥ L

Introducing Wordless Wednesdays!

2009-09-30T15:07:00.004-04:00

Engrish Funny

2009-09-28T15:04:00.012-04:00

Today's pointless blog is dedicated to one of my favorite websites that will make you laugh so hard you pee your pants. Enjoy! Rah ha ha :)

Low prices for used, extremely cheap for dead!

Bitches unite!

The mysterious "happy time" room

No words needed.

So much for lovemaking.

Extra on the whore dust, please.

Who knew plastic chairs were such valuable treasures? $100!?!

Brain implants?

Don't forget your dissunt card for when purchasing those juicy babies.

Busy bee!

2009-09-23T22:40:00.004-04:00

I just want to apologize in advance for my lack of or quality of my posts from now through mid- December. I must have been on some serious Winehouse crack when I signed up to take 3 classes this semester, and as it is already proving, microbiology may be the death of me.

PS. A future post will be dedicated to the nastiness of the shit I am learning about in micro...but I won't gross you out just yet...just please do yourself a favor and stop eating hot dogs immediately!! If you MUST heed my warning and consume one...do not, under ANY circumstances, cook it in the microwave. K!?!? thanks.

Ode to coffee.

2009-09-22T21:16:00.005-04:00

Dearest coffee,

Thank you for all that you are

and all that you do.

I wouldn't be human

If I couldn't have you.

You open my eyes

and wake up my soul

You're bittersweet flavor

puts a pep in my stroll.

I owe you my life

and oh so much more.

I can never get enough of you--

Love always,

your coffee whore.

Flashback Friday- The Crybaby

2009-09-17T22:51:00.010-04:00

I'm very slowly starting to write a book titled "A decade of dating disasters" It's pretty much a hilarious and outrageous compilation of stories about all of the crazies I have dated. For today's flashback Friday I will share a true story with you from the jailbirds chapter...enjoy :)

Sometimes in life people walk into our lives and swoon us with their charm. Often (in my experiences anyways) this charm quickly turns to creepiness. Let me elaborate with an example...

I dated this guy (let's call him "Tom") during the end of my college days. We met while working at the Ground Round and bonded over some delicious margaritas one night after our shift had ended. I was naive back then, and thought it was kinda cute that he waited around for me after work and even dedicated love songs to me during the Ground Rounds short-lived karaoke nights. We had only been dating for a few weeks so I was all about the butterflies and ignoring the red flags which must have been bouncing off of "Tom" all along.

The first red flag which I couldn't ignore came one night as I climbed into my car I was scared shitless by a ginormous stuffed grizzly bear which had been buckled into the passengers seat. "Tom" and I had plans that night with some other co-workers and I figured I would confront him about presenting me with scary, furry mementos of his love and tell him I'd much rather receive flowers or cash.

Later that evening we met some friends out at a bar and after a few beers "Tom" began to tear up and tell me he knew that I wasn't feeling the same way he felt about me. I shot him a death stare and told him to go get a hold of himself in the bathroom because I refused to deal with a crying date in public. He then began sobbing and I had to quickly escort him out of the bar and home to his roommate who could clearly could deal with his pathetic-ness better than I could. When I dropped him off he told me he couldn't live without my love and sped off in his truck like a raving lunatic. He was pretty drunk by this point and I did not want to be questioned if he did drive his truck into a wall, so I called his roommate and told him we had a suicidal situation. Luckily he was able to locate him, got him home safely and as told, kept him from calling me or ever showing up at the Ground Round again.

A few months later, while interning at the local court's domestic violence unit, I heard we had a new case of spousal abuse and coincidentally, the victim's name was Lee-Ann. I figured since we shared the same name, she may be comfortable with me so I took the case file. As I read the police report my heart stopped as I discovered that her HUSBAND was the one and only "Tom". Freaked out, I mumbled something about a conflict of interest to my boss and left work for the day. Turns out "Tom" had found another me who was not so quick to pick up on his dangerous obsessions and had actually married the asshole. I never heard anything more of them as my internship was luckily ending the following week. I hope wherever she is that she has healed and found happiness, and that he is being a big crybaby while rotting away in jail along with a few of my other exes.

Trainwreck Thursday

2009-09-17T12:51:00.004-04:00

Oh how I love the MBTA, let me count the ways...

ZERO.

3 days ago a commuter rail crashed pulling into South Station, injuring 18.

Last night there were 3 separate fires in the subway tunnels (thankfully injuring none).

This morning, the trains were severely delayed thanks to said fires and as a result, I endured a 50 minute train ride sitting next to a devout woman screaming God's spoken word at the top of her lungs and had a man standing in front of me who reeked of what can only be described of a mixture of dirty diapers and overwhelming Dakar cologne.

Needless to say, I didn't get much studying in for tonight's Microbiology quiz as planned, due to the fact that I was covering my mouth and nose completely while blasting my iPod on the loudest volume to avoid hearing how my past weekends sins would be condemning me to eternal hell.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the junkyard.

2009-09-15T00:30:00.007-04:00

My car has strawberry milk colored fluid leaking out of the transmission. To the junkyard she goes.

Seriously.

That is all for today...

Flashback Friday: G-town Throwdown

2009-09-10T23:29:00.011-04:00

I received a request for this flashback. This one's for you, Sheila!

So there used to be this bar called the Emerald Isle. It was the place to be if it were past midnight and you were already half in the bag. It was shady, seedy, and in the worst possible neighborhood, however, it was a fabulous place to shake your booty to shit-hot 90's music, act like a fool, and get mad attention from the thugs. One night back in the early 2000's there was an incident which will be forever known as the G-town throwdown.

My girls and I were out and about one night and ended up at the Isle for some late night shenanigans. We were drinking, dancing, and having a blast until a group of bitches on the dance floor began invading our personal space. When I've had more than about 6 drinks, Rita (my drunken alter ego) takes over my sensibility. **I should add that, as Rita, I think I am really tough and I like to protect my friends with my bold badassness.** Sure enough, I look over to see my friend Sheila being elbowed and shoved by a bitch a lot bigger than she was. I figured that was a good time to step in as her bodyguard and elbow the girl back, which quickly led to some bitch-slapping and then an all-out brawl on the dance floor. The bouncers pulled us off of each other and after some snickering & glaring, we all resumed dancing. What clever Rita never thinks about is how her immediate actions will impact the following few hours...

As it turns out, while we were leaving the bar, the bitch called for backup from her G-town friends who happened to be the size of football players, and all wanted to tackle ME. Seconds later, I experienced what it feels like to be sucker punched by a she-male and then pummeled by a gang of beasts. Luckily, some of my friends were helping to fend them off and protect my brain (thank you Nicky) as I got up off the damn ground. The bouncers broke us up again and we all dispersed. Although I should have gone straight to the hospital for stitches on my busted eyebrow, I went straight home and began researching tackle tactics.

The next day I woke up with a pounding brain-ache and looking like Rocky (which my friends at college nicknamed me when my black & blue ass moved back into the dorms the following day). For weeks my girls harassed me by signing the movie The Bodyguard's theme song "I will always love you". Although I still have a visible scar from my first and final brawl in the hood, I'm happy for the experience because it taught me two very valuable lessons: there is always a bigger bitch waiting in the shadows, and that my future holds no career as a bodyguard.

Email of the day

2009-09-10T10:52:00.002-04:00

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon (shout-out to Leah who pronounces it Sin-of-Man!)

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Confessions of undying love.

2009-09-07T14:36:00.009-04:00

Labor Day weekend tends to brings out some of my inner craziness. I don't know what it is about this particular holiday, but I think the realization that summer has come to an end makes my drunken alter ego, Rita come out swinging in full force for one last hurrah.

It was only recently that I fully recovered from my embarrassment of last years Labor Day trip to Cape Cod (the short version: drank a massive bottle of vodka then slurred lewd and lascivious language about what I wanted to do to a male friend (let's call him Moy) who was away with us. Shortly after that I blacked out and my ever so hilarious friends wrote "I love Moy" on my face in pink marker.

This weekend Rita got me into a Labor Day pickle once again. After my particularly stressful week of having no car and starting 3 demanding classes, I was really enjoying throwing back corona after corona and playing the only sport I excel in-flip cup. Fast forward 3 or 4 hours and although I do not remember much of the conversation, it appears that I thought it was the appropriate time to tell my friend (let's call him Kenny) that I have been harboring undying love for him. I wasn't fully aware of this fact myself, but he's funny and drunken words are sober thoughts, so it must be true. Then to prove how undying my love is, I spent the remainder of the night making out with his best friend who happens to share the same name. Yup, I sure know how to make a guy feel special. I may or may not have redeemed myself a little bit by telling his best friend I couldn't make out with him anymore since it was probably considered rude and then I treated Kenny to an amazing snuggle session (sans snoring). Guess we'll have to wait and see what comes from this hot mess I got myself into.

The only thing I do know for sure is that Rita and I will not be hanging out with any male friends next Labor Day, and I'm sure for that they will thank us.

Flashback Friday-Bridezillas.

2009-09-04T12:13:00.008-04:00

I decided that incorporating "flashback fridays" to my blog would be a fun idea and a great way to chronicle some of my previous disasters.

To kick off the first flashback, I give you a video clip from my debut on television last June...which of course (as a professional bridesmaid) was a stint on an episode of the trashy reality show Bridezillas.

I believe the clip speaks for itself but just a few things to note:

**I am the hand in the limo attempting to console the bride (the rest of me fully appears quite a bit in the episode that aired)

**My friends and I took great pride in bedazzling the pink "Zilla" jumpsuit she is wearing.

**Yes, we are still friends.

**She had a beautiful wedding day apart from the insane week of filming and drama.

**It was one of the most interesting experiences of my life.

Love you Amanda, now the entire blogworld knows you are a bridezilla! :) xoxo

This fool is back to school.

2009-09-02T22:59:00.005-04:00

{via: wellsphere}

School started back up tonight. This semester I'm being an over-achiever and signed up for 3 classes which includes my first online class. Did I ever mention my computer is dying? This should be interesting.

Tonight was Human Growth and Development. The teacher seems alright, but man can this guy talk! He was droning on and on about nothing growth or development related for a good hour or two then he made us all go around the room and say our names and why we were taking the course. Turns out 35 of the 36 students in the class also want my dream future as a nurse with a hot murse husband and are applying to the same 3 nursing schools as I am. Considering the schools only take 30 students, I am basically screwed. (Unless of course I find a way to make them all fail. muahahahaha.) Seriously though, I've come to grips with the harsh reality that it may take me a few years to get into nursing school. But I'm secretly hoping that sooner or later they will get sick of me, my incessant phone calls and repetitive appearances at open houses (mainly for the free pens and coffee) and just cave and let me in.

As good old Teddy Roosevelt once said "Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty..."

Right??

I've been working on the railroad

2009-09-01T18:55:00.008-04:00

{via: weheartit}

Since my car is currently in the shop indefinitely, I have been walking to the local train station for the past 2 days (it's actually really close and I should walk everyday but I am just LAZ-AY).

Today I was running a wee bit late and as I turned the corner to the humongous parking lot I saw the train already approaching. I had to run to catch it and as I hurled myself from the platform into the moving train, I realized that I had totally forgotten to buy my new September T pass. These babies run $151 a month and you can only purchase them at a station. I found a seat and tried to stop sweating from my sprint to catch the stupid train which I now was illegally a passenger on.

I could hear the conductor punching passes behind me and had to think fast. I was hoping it was the young hot conductor so I could flirt, but as my non-existent luck would have it, it was the ruthless old mean guy. Instead of making up some lame excuse I just blurted out that it had slipped my mind and I hadn't bought my new pass yet. I asked if I could show it to him tomorrow since I would be buying it right when we arrived at the station. He chuckled softly and then announced to the entire train car that "this girl doesn't have the right pass-what should we do with her??" A shithead in the back screamed out "make her sing!!" what??? Oh God no. Of course everyone agreed in unison and decided I must sing "I've been working on the railroad" Although I wanted to die I mustered up the courage and started singing in my tremendously terrible voice...

I've been workin' on the railroad,

All the live long day.
I've been workin' on the railroad,
Just to pass the time away.
Don't you hear the whistle blowing?
Rise up so early in the morn.
Don't you hear the captain shouting
"Dinah, blow your horn?"

I stopped at that, because it was way to early for me to continue singing about Dinah blowing her horn. This seemed to please the ruthless conductor, and as all the commuters and the unusual number of children aboard laughed and clapped, I slowly sunk into the 9th layer of hell. I guess it still could have been worse, if my train crush been in that car, I would have had no choice but to fling myself out the emergency window.

Manic Monday

2009-08-30T18:05:00.008-04:00

Another Monday and I am starting out this glorious back-to-school week without a car because it is visiting the mechanic, AGAIN.

The issue this time is that the lights won't turn off. They just stay on when the car is off-shining and blinking at me. The car also "dings" like you've left the keys in the ignition, or mistakenly left the lights on. I'm positive that's its way of laughing out loud at me.

I was still too livid to talk about it in yesterday's blog, but I spent my time at the party on Saturday explaining to everyone that yes, I know my lights are on, but they refuse to shut off. Every half-hour or so, when I would go start the car up in efforts to preserve my battery, people would follow me outside thinking I was an idiot and just didn't turn the lights switch off. After trying everything to fix it (not short of beating the car) everyone agreed they had never seen anything like this happen. Of course they hadn't, because this stuff only happens to me.

I've come to the conclusion that my car is severely possessed and trying to scare me. But little does my clunker know that after previously owning an even more possessed Buick Skylark, nothing scares me. No, not even being able to start the car without a key, red velour seats, or being able to take a complete right hand turn without even touching the wheel.

Regardless of my fearlessness, my car has been revolting against me for about a year now. I'm guessing it's payback for all the times I pretended to be the designated driver but then got wasted and had to leave it abandoned in a random parking lot, or it could be the fact that I never feed it enough oil and fluids, or even more likely, because of the mean blog I wrote about it last month.

Soooo I'm waiting to hear the mechanics diagnosis and how much this shit is going to cost me. Oh, and did I mention I need to pass an inspection by today. I'm sure that's never ever going to happen.

Just another manic Monday!

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

2009-08-30T16:28:00.013-04:00

That's the quote from the 21st birthday card I got my cousin Jeff. My sisters and I took him out in Boston on Friday night to celebrate. Jeff had a grand old time, but consumed a few too many of God's happy beers and paid for it the entire ride home and then for about 12 hours after that.

His family birthday party was last night, and since my sisters were coincidentally "busy" I had to attend alone and face the heat from getting my little cousin so wasted that he was still in bed and tried to cancel the party. oops. I never claimed to be a role model, unless of course we're talking about how to live as a functioning alcoholic.

Happy 21st coozine!

Hope you are finally recovering today. And if our family ever lets us party together again we'll do those Irish car bombs the bartenders wouldn't serve us :)

Love, Lee-Ann

My sisters and I with the birthday boy.

What does Whiskey taste like?

Ass.

Going...

Gone.

Pandora's stupid box.

2009-08-28T12:05:00.002-04:00

So I've been a long time lover of pandora.com, where you can listen to music for free and even customize radio stations by fave artists or songs. I'm assuming this shitty economy is the cause for Pandora's new limitations where you can only listen to 40 hours for free per month then they want you to pay 99 cents to listen for the end of the month or upgrade your membership to "Pandora One" for $36. They've really gone and opened up the box...

Dear Pandora,

What am I supposed to do now? How will I drown out the sounds of clients in the lobby at work yakking away in foreign languages which I thankfully do not understand? What will I use to play calming music while reading endless chapters on disgusting Microbes this semester? How will I check out new up & coming artists? Answer to the above = iTunes.

So good luck to you, but I'm pretty sure that much like the stupid TV shows I get addicted to which inevitably move to Friday nights-your future is obsolete.

Very truly not yours,

a disgruntled ex-listener

Lee-Ann

E-mail of the Day

2009-08-27T11:34:00.003-04:00

Dear friends,

PS. I really love vodka.

Love, Lee-Ann

Smooth Criminal

2009-08-25T18:37:00.005-04:00

MJ lives...

in downtown crossing anyways.

Rock on you smooth criminal & a special thanks for the dance tips as I prepare to channel MJ as My Halloween costume this year.

Weekend Warrior

2009-08-25T12:10:00.009-04:00

Well this past weekend was certainly a challenge!

Friday night I laid low (after spending a nice day on Newbury Street in Boston with my roomie) and watched I Love You, Man which was terribly disappointing. Saturday I spent my morning setting up my new Avon business-I sell it now :) AVON CALLING haha...If by any slim chance you are interested (they have great cheap make-up!!) you can shop my online store 24/7: here.

Saturday night was the beginning of the weekend downfall. One of my bosses invited me over for a girl's night with her friends. We hung out at her house (where I got drunk off toxic margaritas) and then headed into the city via a van service. I was under the impression they would send a livery van of some type so I gladly agreed to pay $20 for the service. However, when the van arrived it was a legit short bus for the handicapped titled "the chair". At this point I contemplated driving 30 miles home and risking my boss hating me, but then remembered the toxic margaritas had left me optionless. So I climbed into the short bus, (yes step stool and all) sat on some sort of wheelchair ramp, and chugged a bud light while wondering why God hates me.

15 awkward minutes later the short bus pulled up directly in FRONT of the happening bar which, of course, had a full line. People laughed and pointed at us as we stumbled out of the bus and then had to wait in the line with them while a capital "E" for embarrassment burned on our foreheads. It just got worse when we got in-it was hotter than hades, I nearly fought a bitch in the bathroom because she stole my paper towel (who does that?), one girl we were with got projectile vomited on, my feet were killing me so bad that I was limping around on the dance floor, and all the cute guys were making out with girls who arrived in non-short busses. "The chair" finally came back to get us and we made another scene while climbing into it with the added challenge of fighting off hurricane Bill rain and wind.

Sunday morning I woke up still drunk on my bosses couch, left in a hurry, and realized I had spent all my cash on the short bus as I approached the Tobin Bridge ($3 toll). So I did what any masshole would do and sped up hoping to fly through the E-Z pass lane fast enough so they couldn't catch my plate on camera and send me a zillion dollar ticket. Well what a surprise it was to see they had recently installed new gates to reduce this kind of masshole behavior. I was stuck and 10 cars were immediately up my ass beeping and swearing at me as was still drunk and trying to figure out how to get myself out of this hot mess. Toll booth Willy came over screaming about the $3 and threw a ticket at me which states I will be notified by mail how many zillions I owe the Commonwealth.

Can't wait to see what next weekend is brewing up for me!

Insane in the membrane.

2009-08-21T21:09:00.008-04:00

Since Quincy College recently turned my life into a constant mindfuck by wait listing me for their part-time nursing program, I decided to carry on with plan B which includes: (A) taking yet some more pre-req classes so I can apply to accelerated programs which I cannot afford to go to even if I miraculously get accepted, and (B) finding a sugardaddy to help alleviate issue A.

Today I registered for 2 additional classes for the upcoming fall semester-Human Growth & Development and Nutrition. I was already signed up for evil Microbiology and Micro lab. Come September I will be in school 3 nights a week in addition to the online class (Nutrition). I am another $1,715 in the hole not even counting book costs.

I'm sure people question why I am turning my life upside down, torturing myself, and racking up even more debt to leave a perfectly fine job behind. My only answer to that is: I am insane.

Oh, and I want to dedicate my life to helping others and making a difference...SO LET ME INTO YOUR DAMN NURSING SCHOOL!!!!!

PS. Where can one find a sugardaddy these days?

We put the fun in dysfunctional!

2009-08-20T20:14:00.012-04:00

The running joke between my cousins and I is that we are a majorly dysfunctional family-we even have a challenge over who can find the funniest dysfunctional family holiday/birthday cards. Our parents, however, do not find it funny at all and always yell at us and say we have no idea how blessed we are. I do cherish my family dearly, and am thankful for our closeness every single day...but part of the reason I love them so much is because of our craziness!

Soooo last week was family reunion 2009. I come from a small family, but my mother's entire side of the family came in from Chicago & Florida so we were actually rolling about 30 deep for the week. We started the reunion out by doing touristy things through the streets of Boston, which I was loving since I got to play along. My youngest second cousin twice removed (or something like that) was convinced that I was from Australia and kept calling me "mate" because he couldn't quite place my Bostonian accent.

One night we all flooded to a nice restaurant on the waterfront where we tortured a waitress for about $1,000 worth of food ($75 of which was of course, my favorite kind of sauvigon blanc) 3 hours and 4 embarrassing stories about me later-my sisters, cousin and I were doing the "sauvignon swagger" back to the train in the pouring rain. I spent most of my work week tired and hungover which I guess meant the reunion was going well. Another night we had a cookout at my aunt & uncle's where we played a very competitive game of bocce ball and later endured a paparazzi-like photo shoot. I believe this was the event where I was cursing eHarmony and stating that only psychos are on that site, when my 2nd cousin and his new girlfriend told me that was how they met. ahhhh, don't worry, no awkwardness there, for I covered it up with a quick "well I'm happy it works for everyone besides me." Maybe someday they will be one of the commercials that make me want all my wasted money back.

We wrapped the week up with a fabulous surprise 80th bday party for my Grampy, where I learned quite a few things: (1) I really should be on some kind of anxiety medicine (2) My grandmother drunkenly told me she still wants closure from MY ex-boyfriend (we broke up over a year ago but apparently she thought she was dating him as well haha) (3) the electric slide is the longest.song.ever. (4) You can never have too much white zinfandel on hand for an elderly party crowd (5) thankfully, If your 86 year old auntie Lou is busy preparing an embarrassing speech about how her brother once threw a cat in the toilet, she will be too preoccupied to tell you how much weight you have gained, and (6) I am glad my sisters still love me even though I went crazy on them a few times before the party started (this ties in with my need for anxiety meds).

It was so good to see the whole family and we have decided to have the next reunion in Chicago so we can cause some ruckus on the set of Oprah! Get ready! xoxo

smile for the paparazzi kids!

An intense game of Bocce. But no one could beat Grampy!

Happy 80th Grampy! Surprise! :)

Can you say tourists?!?

Case of the Mondays

2009-08-17T15:22:00.006-04:00

That is me today. I am exhausted from a busy weekend and am just sitting at my desk bored to death while waiting for the freaking mailman to decide to show up to my office with the fate of my work load for the week. Last week was quite possibly the busiest week of my summer-we entertained out of state relatives and then threw a surprise 80th Birthday party for my Grampy. I'll post more details on how insane my extended family thinks I am later. Right now I'm off to stalk the streets for our stupid temporary mailman (our regular guy is out indefinitely for double knee surgery-ouch!)

Happy Marriage!!

2009-08-11T23:08:00.008-04:00

Well it's official...Leah is now a married woman after one heck of a beautiful and FUN wedding :) A wedding wouldn't be a wedding without some drama so let's play that back...

The day was going great until the annoying as-all-hell photographer showed up and took about 10 too many pictures under Leah's mothers oak tree. Damn Debbie and her "one more photo for good luck" slogan...

As we loaded into the limo to enjoy 3 bottles of champagne, we realized the limo had broken down right there in front of the house, most likely while we were taking the 34th tree photo. Oh yes friends, it would not even move. My friends immediately cursed my cloud, I cursed the photographer and then we quickly ushered the bride to her sisters Camry for a stylish ride to the ceremony. Leah took it all in stride, and it was all certainly worth it when we got to the beach on a perfect sunny day and she became Mrs. Stephenson!

Highlights of the evening include: walking into the reception while doing the "high-step chicken dance" with a buddy and Leah's son; harassing Debbie the photographer to take many ridiculous pictures; the tambourine; the captain's hat (our friends enjoy partying with pointless props); doing 80's dance moves I had forgotten about; and laughing off the fact that the man Leah was sure was my future husband didn't even show up to the wedding.

Leah was a stunning bride...I choked back lots of tears and sixteen years of memories (particularly our shenanigans as partners in crime-torturing our parents and the local police department while growing up). I even requested one of our favorite drunken tunes "Ghetto Superstar" at the reception which the Deejay-Big Daddy Ray J happily played. We danced the night away and celebrated the beginning of this new chapter of her life. Besides a few overzealous over-served lads and getting busted at the hotel before we even got a chance to have an after-party, the night went very smoothly. Another successful night as a professional bridesmaid ;)

Another day, another dolla.

2009-08-07T16:45:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was just one of those days.

It all started with my idiotic idea of getting off the train 2 stops early to walk to my office which entailed walking by a building which was being window washed. There's always a sign noting the caution of walking beneath "men working overhead" but really, what are the calculated risks of something bad actually happening? I'll tell you...it's one Lee-Ann in a million. As I happily walked along this building on Federal Street, a bucket containing nasty squeegeed window washing soap and water dumped onto my freshly highlighted head. I just stood there, shocked, soaked and fuming when I noticed a security guard for a nearby parking garage laughing his ass off. I walked up to him and unleashed my rage, explaining how not-funny the incident would be if it had been his ass that got soaped. He stopped laughing for half a second while I composed myself and took off up the street.

The day continued with shithouse crazy clients, a train ride home full of the homeless and lastly, an almost gone wrong spray tan. I flushed the day away with a bottle of cleverly named "funky llama" wine. Just another day, another dolla.

Adventures with Alcohol

2009-08-07T16:06:00.015-04:00

After almost a month of being Miss Sober Sally, I am glad to announce that Leah's bachelorette was definitely an unforgettable evening and worth the wait!! We all gathered at Noelle's house to start the night out right with trays of jello shots, penis cookies, and of course Willy! (see previous blog) Our limo driver Tony (who had no idea what he was in for) picked us up at 9 sharp and we headed into the city for our night of debauchery. We arrived at the bar, immediately took over the dance floor, and bombarded the band with song requests. 2 hours and many beers later, our feet were burning, one friend was puking all over the holocaust memorial next door, and the band was flipping us off (yes, we were "those girls").

Tony come to the rescue but in our drunken stupor left one friend behind. We retrieved said friend, set our sick friend up with a cooler-turned-puke bucket, and went on our way back to Noelles for some late night snacks and to play pin the cucumber on the hunk. Another friend spent the entire never-ending limo ride home puking out the window. Somehow we managed to get back home safely, although we left a slew of belongings behind (specifically a cell phone and a shoe) But don't worry, trusty Tony had stupidly given us his phone number so we could harass him the entire next day to retrieve the lost items.

Another crazy Bachelorette evening for the books kids. Can't even handle my excitement for the wedding tomorrow :)

you're never too old for jello shots

shawty fires burning up the dance floor

drunkards

The wild and wooly adventures of Willy!

2009-07-31T13:45:00.018-04:00

Tomorrow night is my best friend Leah's bachelorette party. She is number 4 out of the 8 of us to jump on the marriage wagon. With our friend Steph flying in from FL for the festivities, we will all be reunited, which will surely equal debauchery and unforgettable memories for all involved. One of the most exciting parts of a bachelorette evening is hanging out with our very own bachelorette mascot, Willy. He is our favorite blow-up penis who has seen and been through it all with us, yet always manages to keep a smile on that big head of his! :)

Happy 4th bachelorette Willy, you are really going to enjoy this night out!

No cash for this clunker.

2009-07-29T21:49:00.005-04:00

You may have heard about the governments new economy-energizing program known as "cash for clunkers". You may have also read about my own personal cavalier clunker (which is continuously falling apart) previously on this blog.

I put 2 and 2 together and assumed that this was Gods way of telling me to get a new car before mine spontaneously combusts. So, a few days ago I started checking out cute little hybrids and got to daydreaming about all the ways buying an environmentally friendly car (with the added bonus of power locks and windows, and surely a functioning hood) would impact my life. Right when I was imagining feeling the rush that passing cars on the highway brings, plus the fact that I could carry out my road-rage in style, it dawned on me that with my luck my car probably won't even qualify.

I was hoping that the 10 gallons of bird shit (and dead birds) that have landed on my car over the years would bring me "good luck" with this deal but of course they don't, and I discover my clunker is not eligible. WTF Mate? The fact that my piece of shit car does not qualify for each and every possible "clunker" rebate out there really astounds me. So I have to kiss my $4,500 clunker cash goodbye and just keep praying that a sugardaddy magically appears so I can live the lavish life of my daydreams.

Quotes, Quotes and more Quotes.

2009-07-27T15:18:00.006-04:00

I'm a firm believer that we all need some happy sayings or words of inspiration once in a while to get through our crazy, happy, hopeful, longgggg, anxious, overwhelming, lonely, bad & sad days.

If you like quotes, or just want to see my faves, please check out my new blog dedicated to all the ones I L.O.V.E. here: Quote-o-holic!

Monday is not a funday.

2009-07-27T12:12:00.005-04:00

Monday is not a funday.

As I walked into my office this morning, I was greeted by complete chaos. There were about 10 clients waiting for me, one of which was sobbing hysterically for no good reason. After I filtered through my "visitors" and gave crybaby a tissue and pep talk, I received a disturbing call about a client who is back on drugs and beating up her mother and him (her husband) as we spoke. I kindly told him to call the police, as I am not yet an officially trained domestic violence hot line operator. I promised him we would deal with his green card issues later.

All this insanity and it's only 12:00.

I'm off to spend the rest of my day avoiding my crazier than normal clients and harassing the United States (specifically Immigration & the Dept. of Labor). Lucky them! That is, if they answer the damn phone.

Toodles.

eDisasters

2009-07-22T14:32:00.008-04:00

I am not perfect in any way, shape or form. I don't even want to date someone who is perfect. I would, however, like to be matched with at least one person who doesn't make me cringe when viewing their dating profile. I paid an astronomical amount to join eHarmony, which I now, after about a year of getting matched with nightmares, and after 4 too many dates with a secretly penile-challenged jackrabbit, refer to as "eDisaster". See a few examples of people I am matched with regularly below:

Summary of Match #279:

The one thing Match #279 is most passionate about:

Video games

Something only Match #279's friends know about him is:

I dread spending the rest of my life alone.

Some additional information Match #279 wanted you to know is:

I'm a pretty big video gamer. I'm known to get lost in that a couple times a week.

My personal life is most important to me though.

Just a thought, #279, but maybe if you took a break from the video games and ventured out into the real world you wouldn't have to dread dying alone. You know what girls dread? Coming in second place to Xbox.

Summary of Match #333:

Occupation:

I breed and sell rabbits (seriously?)

The most important thing Match #333 is looking for in a person is:

emotional, mental support

Some additional information Match #333 wanted you to know is:

I'm just a goof looking for my ball!

Dear Match #333, Wow. What you are in immediate need of is a really spectacular therapist. I wish you the best of luck in your search.

Summary of Match #400:

Height: 5'3

Drinks: Never (This would clearly never work, I don't trust people who NEVER drink)

Match #400 typically spends his leisure time:

Ballroom dancing

Some additional information Match #400 wanted you to know is:

I collect left-handed screwdrivers, they're so rare!

There are no words for this match, no words.

Summary of Match #438:

Occupation: Ion Chromatography specialist (what???)

Height: 5'1

Drinks: Several times a week

Match #438's best life skill is: Remaining calm yet resilient during a crisis

ohhhh match #438...I don't know what the hell you do for work, but hopefully no crisis would evolve during one of the several times a week you are shitfaced. We are the same height, and I have zumba powers, so I think I could handle a crisis on my own just fine, thank you.

Match #455:

Occupation: Jiu Jitsu Instructor

The first thing you'll probably notice about Match #455 when you meet him:

My teeth

Some additional information Match #455 wanted you to know is:

I don't take any crap from no one! I stand up for what I believe in. I'm very overprotective!

ummmm are you a real person? I'm sure you scare the crap out of every female you are matched with. Tone it down a little, Mr. Martial Arts Maniac.

If by miracle or chance there are any well-adjusted men left on eDisaster who are funny, non-alcoholics over 5'6 and not-like-the-above, you have until July 31st to scoop me up or you can kiss my online dating profile goodbye. I can find hot messes just like you at bars for free.

Very truly yours,

Lee-Ann

Waste

2009-07-21T22:04:00.003-04:00

Let's add to the list:

-eHarmony
-working on Fridays
-getting a human on the line when calling customer service (for anything)
-saying "bless you" to a stranger when they sneeze
-balancing my checking account
-re-reading a book
-analyzing men
-save the date cards
-bug spray
-crocs
-fat free cheese
-pretending that being a wineoholic is not in my blood
-hoping for a good drivers license/passport photo
-drying my afro hair in the summer
-trying to stay friends with an ex
-daylight savings time/leap years
-sweating the small stuff
-this list.

What do you think is a waste of time? :)

Orange ball of fury

2009-07-20T10:55:00.005-04:00

Good morning blogfriends!

Let me start off this entry by publicly congratulating myself for making it through a sober weekend! Noooo I am not preggers, just trying to lose some lbs. so I don't look like I am! Anywho...

After a glorious, eventful, non-hungover weekend, my friends and I thought it would be fun to go mini-golfing last night. We are probably the worst mini-golfers on the planet, however, its so fun and I LOVE to play so I was pumped.

The girl at the window takes our money, gives us three clubs and the ugliest colored balls I have ever seen: dirty pink, gangly green and traffic cone orange. I felt the overwhelming need to pick bright orange and jaunted off to hole 1. Things were going good and I was hitting lots of 3's and 4's, even an amazing hole in one after 4 attempts. Then we got to black hole #11. This was a particularly challenging hole, with the goal of getting your ball through an uphill battle then down one of two tubes which would pop it out below onto another obstacle course. It took me 3 valiant attempts to get my ball down the tube. As I walked to the green below, I noticed my friends doubled-over in hysterics pointing at the tube where the balls normally pop out. Orange had betrayed me and was lodge in the tube. I guess you might have had to be there to imagine how this scenario played out but it went something like this: me in a skirt, bent over, swearing, crying because I am laughing so hard, trying to dislodge the stubborn ball with my golf club. Of course the club then gets stuck in the tube and I lose my mind. My friends are laughing and taking pictures and claiming that this would only happen to me. Everyone at the mini-golf place is staring and giggling. Finally, my roomie managed to pry the club and ball out of the tube and we all pretty much died of laughter while imagining ourselves on a real golf course.

I made it through the rest of the 18 holes without the slightest bit of athleticism and scored last place with a pathetic score of 79 (ideally it is under 49).

Lee-Ann: 0

Orange ball of fury: 1

Daily disasters

Wordless Wednesday: Shout-out to my ladies ♥

Comeback Kid?

'Coulda been a crackhead...

Sorry!!

Wordless Wednesday: Motivation

Lee-Ann's Lonely Lent

Wordless Wednesday: Snow!

Weekend Recap: L-woww & friends

Wordless Wednesday:Mario Kart for Wii, where have you been all my life?

thirty6red rocks.

Wordless Wednesday: My dear, crazy state of Massachusetts

# 27. Get into nursing school...Regis ♥

Wordless Wednesday: Anxiety Girl=Me!!

Fridays Freaks

Wordless Wednesday: Dear Destiny,

Anxiety-R-Us

Reason # 764 why I love my sister

Wordless Wednesday: Can you spot the penguin photobomb?

My 101 things to do in 1001 days!

Happy New Year!!

Wordless Wednesday: Girlcrush

Email of the day: Vampire edition

Dear Regis;

Merry Christmas! :)

Wordless Wednesday: The Garmin Xmas Commericals kill me!

An ugly weekend

Flashback Friday: SNL Edition

Wordless Wednesday: Bluntcards

Procrastination at its finest.

December Update

Tonight...

Wordless Wednesday

December!!

Dear MAT,

Supermarket Sweep

Flashback Friday: D.A.R.E.

Thankful

Wordless Wednesday {someecard style}

E-mail of the Day: Man vs. Woman

Flashback Friday: Homecoming 1998

Horror-scope #2

A date for 8 (but I have to wait)

Wordless Wednesday: Thankful for all the Veterans-past, present & future.

Email of the day: Top 10!

Flashback Friday: The jackrabbit

Breath & Reboot.

Wordless Wednesday: Glee meets Wicked and I loves it.

weekend wrap-up

{{::iT's HaLLoWeeN::}}

Flashback Friday: Amy Crackhouse

Wordless Wednesday-How could you be so heartless?

Church Cat.

Holy CRAP!

Train Trauma Thursday

Whale FAIL.

Twitter is over capacity.

Wordless Wednesday: Happy Birthday to my bestie Noelle and to her drunken alter ego Joelle :)

Horror-scope

Monday Misery.

Wordless Wednesday-girl scouts are the devil.

Homeless Spoonage.

Wordless Wednesday-Bizzaro Peter from Family guy

Weekend Recap-This is how we do it.

Pumpkin love ♥

Introducing Wordless Wednesdays!

Engrish Funny

Busy bee!

Ode to coffee.

Flashback Friday- The Crybaby

Trainwreck Thursday

My milkshake brings all the boys to the junkyard.

Flashback Friday: G-town Throwdown

Email of the day

Confessions of undying love.

Flashback Friday-Bridezillas.

This fool is back to school.

I've been working on the railroad

Manic Monday

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.